Thoughts on love

Here is a post I made on my old blog a few months ago, just before I left for San Francisco:

Since I am on a senti mood right now due to cleaning up and digging old stuff like old date receipts or movie tickets, my mind kinda went a little further and started reflecting about love. So, ladies and gentlemen, here are some musings on love.

Last night at the Marikina river banks, while strolling beside the river, I was talking to a friend and we were discussing things about love. I told him that love is a choice, something I picked up from Theo 131 years ago. We choose to love someone or something. He agreed with me that indeed, we do choose to love. Love is a choice. Now, I go further into thought.

I remember this one article about Michael Jordan where he talks about his first love, his girlfriend who was swept away in a flood and drowned. That happened years ago when they were still in college. In this article, he says that he still has feelings for this girl, despite him having a wife and children and despite this girl being already in heaven. Imagine that. He still loves her and cannot forget about her even though she is no longer here on earth.

And then, in the movie I saw today, The Frighteners, there is a scene where Frank Bannister (Michael J. Fox) dies and reaches heaven where he is met by two friends and his deceased wife. His deceased wife stands there, smiling, telling him to "stay happy", referring to this new girl whom he loves. She knows that he loves someone else. And yet, the love is still there. Imagine that.

And in another movie, A Walk To Remember, the character played by Shane West gazes out into the horizon and says that he still feels the love of the character played by Mandy Moore. We all know that she has already passed away. And yet, the love is still there. Imagine that.

And yet, then in another movie, Love Actually, there is a scene where this guy carrying placards tells this girl, who is married to his best friend, that he loves her. He tells her that he'll continue loving her even though she's old and ugly. And he'll do that despite that girl being married! Imagine that.

Different situations, same form of love. We choose to love. It leaves me pondering on this question I've had for quite some time: Is it right to still continue loving someone even though the feelings are not or cannot be returned? The person's dead, the person does not feel the same way, the person cannot love you back due to the situation. That’s the bottomline. Unrequited love. Yes, bingo. Unrequited love. In whichever way you look at it - this person does not love you or this person cannot love you due to the situations at hand, is it still right to love someone despite that love not being returned? Where do you draw the line between loving and stupidity? Do we still continue to love even though it is not possible to be loved back? In some way, isn't that a form of stupidity where we "waste" our efforts for something impossible?

Now, let's relate this to my life, the reason why I'm actually thinking and writing about it here. We all know that I have feelings for this someone. Yes, I do. I feel so deeply for her and I can't explain why I do. I just do. Despite the flaws, despite her not being in the mold I had in mind, I choose to love her. I choose to have these feelings for her without me knowing if ever she does feel the same thing for me. Unrequited love. And then again, we all do know that I'm leaving for San Francisco and won't be back until at least 2009.

Let's assume that this girl does not have the same feelings for me. Strike one. Furthermore, I am leaving for San Francisco. Strike two. And then, let's assume there's someone else she loves. Strike three.

Okay, I have everything going against me. Three strikes and I’m out. Am I just being stupid and being a martyr or am I really being a hero by continuing to love this girl despite everything going against me? I don’t know. The feelings I have are so strong, so strong that I guess I’m willing to love her even if she doesn’t fit the mold I had in mind. It’s a different feeling, really. I just can’t explain it. It's sort of a final answer.

A friend of mine told me that it isn’t love if it’s not two-way or something like that. If it’s just me doing the loving, then it isn’t love. That’s what she says. Is she right? Furthermore, my question is: Is it right to still continue loving someone even though the feelings are not or cannot be returned? Am I just being stupid about the whole matter by continuing to love despite the whole thing being unrequited?

Enlighten me please.