Detached

A thought just crossed my mind during all this madness following my grandfather's death. After all the crap I went through this week (agruably the worst week in my entire life), I just thought of something: I have to detach myself. For me to move on, I have to isolate and distance myself from whatever that may cause me to recoil and be back to that sad state of depression. I have to forget and not get any retrieval cues that will take me back to that frame of mind. I will have to remind myself that:

1. I'm now living in America.

2. This is the Bush administration in a post-9/11 world.

3. I cannot return to the Philippines (nobody wants me back).

It just annoys me to have not realized my dream. It was the only single thing I wanted in my life. To make matters worse, others are living out that dream. Others who do not deserve it at all. It just pisses me off like hell. Why not me?! Don't I deserve to have my dreams come true?! It's so freaking stupid, it's not even funny.

What this means now is that I won't be surfing into some websites and I will have to cut ties to some people. In effect, this might mean less internet time for me. I'm also thinking about overhauling my Friendster account, just so as to weed out the strangers and some annoying little bastards. This means I may have to go against my personal rule on deleting people. For that, we shall have to see...

Sorry, but this is just not a good time right now...